


Michael Mell's guide to surviving Senior year

by UpsideAround



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Jeremy Heere/Christine Canigula - Freeform, M/M, Pining, Senior year
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-28 19:36:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11424738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UpsideAround/pseuds/UpsideAround
Summary: How to: Make it through senior year when you’re kinda in love with your best friend and your best friend has a girlfriend who is amazing and you want to see your friend happy even though it makes you sadOr, seven Senior year milestones





	Michael Mell's guide to surviving Senior year

**Author's Note:**

> Okay wow this one was hard to write, it started out as a 5+1 about Michael's anxiety, and then it was supposed to be senior year milestones that freaked him out, and then it turned into this
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

It was one thing to admit to himself that he had feelings for Jeremy. It was no big deal to find himself staring at Jeremy, thinking about how nice it would be to hold him and kiss him.

It was another thing altogether to admit this aloud.

Michael was pacing in his basement, wringing his hands. The last day of summer really was prime time to be interrogated by a so-called “friend”.

“C’mon Michael, don’t you think you’re being a little over dramatic?” Rich sighed, flopping back into the beanbag.

“Yeah, maybe a little,” Michael said, almost rolling his eyes.

“Listen, you don’t have to tell me,” Rich said, waving his hand. “I was just curious, because, frankly, you’re a good-looking dude, but I never hear you talk about any girls.”

Michael made a noise akin to a strangled whale.

Rich raised his eyebrows. “Or boys. I don’t judge.”

Michael forced himself to plant his feet properly. He stared intensely at the corner of the room. “Okay. Fine. I like Jeremy.”

Rich whooped and jumped out of the beanbag. “Finally! He admits it!”

Michael’s heart thumped. “Oh god, I’m not obvious about it, am I?”

Rich shrugged. “Nah. You told me while you were high as shit. I haven’t been able to get you to admit it sober.”

Oh. Well, that explains Rich’s weird prodding into his life.

Michael sighed. “God, it really sucks.”

Rich nodded. “I bet.”

“It’s just that I’ve got all of these—” Michael waved his hand, “—feelings, but he’s got Christine, so I can’t do anything about them. Sometimes, when we hang out, I feel this connection and I swear we’re both feeling it, but then I blink and it’s gone.”

Rich clapped Michael on the shoulder. “You need to get laid, dude.”

Michael stared down at his hands. “Tell me about it.”

 

* * *

 

  
**1\. Apply to college**

Michael wasn’t sure why he felt so guilty.

It’s not like he’s actually going to get accepted. There’s no way such a prestigious university would accept a student like him. He got decent grades, sure, but he was pretty sure his admissions essay was lacking in the qualities they were looking for.

Yet here he was, paying the application fee for Northwestern University.

Michael took a deep breath and hit submit. He spun on his chair for a moment before snatching up his phone. He opened up his messages and his thumb hovered over his conversation with Jeremy.

Should he?

Jeremy’s picture stared back at Michael.

Michael shook himself and slid his phone back onto his desk. No. He probably wasn’t going to be admitted in the first place, and he was even less likely to get enough financial aid to even attend. Jeremy never needed to know.

Michael’s stomach knotted. He shouldn't be feeling this bad over an application, should he?

School was even worse.

All the teachers, they just assumed everyone had their futures figured out. They loved to brag about their students, and Michael couldn’t stand one second of it.

“I’m very proud of each and every one of you,” Ms. Frizzle said. “You’ll all go on to great things in college.”

It was only November, for fucks sake.

“I look forward to hearing about all of your futures.”

Jeremy nudged Michael and grinned. “NJCU bound, yeah?”

Michael plastered a grin on his face, hoping it didn’t look too much like a grimace. “Yeah, it’s you and me, dude.”

Being a Senior fucking sucked, Michael decided.

—

**2\. Get accepted to college**

Michael stared at the giant purple envelope.

No way. No fucking way.

There was no way—he wasn’t supposed to get in. He was supposed to have applied impulsively, forgotten about it, and then gone on to NJCU with Jeremy. He wasn't supposed to actually get in.

He tore into the package. There was the opening letter—he glanced over it before tossing it aside and flipping through everything else in the package.

His heart rate picked up as he glanced through the booklet with all the beautiful pictures of the campus.

There was the list of majors, a fun infographic about alumni success, more pictures of the campus, and a checklist for ‘finalizing’ a college decision.

No scholarship information.

Michael looked through his stack of papers again. Nothing. He dropped the paper on the table and began tossing it around, searching desperately a scholarship. It was a cruel trick of fate to let him get into his dream school, but not be able to afford to go.

The opening letter Michael had tossed aside caught his eye.

Michael snatched it up and skimmed it again.

There, at the very bottom of the letter: _Scholarship information will be delivered separately._

Michael sighed and slouched back into his chair.

—

**3\. Pretend like you need to study in order to make time with your best friend**

“God, how can you even do this?” Jeremy said, pushing his chemistry book across the floor.

Michael shrugged. “I mean, the memorization is hard.”

Jeremy groaned and fell back into his bed. “I don’t even understand what I’m supposed to be memorizing.”

Michael felt a grin spread across his face. Jeremy was actually, really, kinda cute when he got frustrated.

Michael shook himself. “Well, VSEPR shapes—”

“Woah, stop there. What the hell is a VSEPR?”

Michael grinned. “Electrons repel each other, right? So if each atom has electrons on it, different patterns of electrons make different shapes out of the molecule.”

Jeremy raised his eyebrows. “Okay. Continue.”

Michael moved so he was sitting criss-cross on the floor. “So lone pairs of electrons, because they don’t have anything holding them down, take up a lot more space than other electron pairs. In the case of the trigonal pyramidal shape, the singular lone pair pushes the rest of the atoms down so the bond angle is 107 instead of 109.5.”

Jeremy blinked at him. “Yeah, you’re gonna have to repeat that.”

Michael sighed. “Lone electrons take up space, push the rest of the molecule down, changing the shape.”

Jeremy sat up. “Dude, do you even have to study?”

Michael didn’t want to admit that no, he really didn’t have to study. He only really asked Jeremy to study because they never really made the time to hang out anymore.

Michael shrugged. “Chem is my worst grade right now, I could really use the boost.”

Jeremy raised an eyebrow before flopping back onto the bed. “God, Christine is so lucky. She took chem last year.”

Michael’s heart dropped. “How are things going, by the way? Since you guys made it official, and all.”

Jeremy’s face lit up with a huge grin. “Oh, amazing! She’s such a great girlfriend, she lets me be weird without letting me feel weird, does that make any sense?”

Michael forced a grin. “Sure.”

“Oh,” Jeremy said, turning bright red, “And she’s very good at kissing. It’s insane. Have I told you?”

Michael felt his chest squeeze. He smiled. “Yeah, you’ve told me. The second you got back from your first date, in fact. And after almost every other date.”

“I have?”

Michael laughed. “Yes, you have. Your days are spent dating Christine, and your nights are spent telling me how great Christine is.”

Jeremy turned an even darker shade of red. “Oh, god, I didn’t even realize.”

“Don’t even worry about it,” Michael said. “That’s what a best friend is supposed to do. Besides, who else would you come to when you get to second base?”

Jeremy swallowed. “Uh, about that…”

“Oh my god, you did?” Michael jumped up from the floor. “Jeremy, that’s amazing!”

Jeremy groaned and rolled over on the bed to hide his face. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

Michael felt the grin fall of his face. “Sure it is.”

If he couldn’t be the one making Jeremy happy, he would damn well play the role of supportive best friend.

—

**4\. Go to prom**

The loud music pumped over the speakers. Michael was surrounded by teenagers dressed to the nines, and everyone was dancing like there was no tomorrow. It was a little disorienting, but Michael joined right in. It was easy to look like you knew how to dance if you could step-touch with a little confidence.

As relaxed as he may have appeared to be, being crowded by sweaty teenagers had him a little on edge.

“I’m gonna go smoke, anyone wanna come with?” he semi-shouted over the music.

He got a few puzzled looks at that, so he feigned a smoking motion with his first two fingers. “Smoke?”

Jeremy and Christine waved him off. Rich laughed but went back to jamming along to the music.

Michael shrugged and ducked out of the crowded dancefloor. He swung open the door to the side entrance and sighed as the cool air hit his face.

He pulled a joint out of his pocket and lit it carefully. He took a deep breath, watching the smoke dissipate into the still night as he exhaled.

He felt himself relax immediately. Tension eased out of his shoulders and he felt pleasantly buzzed.

He stood there for awhile, just smoking and taking in the night.

Eventually, he sighed and was ready to go back inside. He hoped he didn’t smell too much like weed as he turned around a re-entered the busy room.

Michael caught sight of Jeremy across the room. The door clicked behind Michael.

Jeremy definitely looked silly; his lanky arms didn’t make him look graceful. But that’s not what made Michael’s heart ache.

It was the sheer confidence that shone on his face. It was the dopey grin he gave Christine before doing the Macarena to the trap song that was playing. It was the sparkle in his eye that shone when he looked back to see if Christine found it funny.

Sometimes, Michael forgot about his crush on Jeremy. He had been trying to get over it for at least a year, but then Jeremy would do something utterly stupid and Michael would be right back to square one.

It was quite possible that he had more than a crush.

It was quite possible that Michael was in love with his best friend.

What a time to notice it, too, in the middle of his senior prom, watching Jeremy dance with his date.

Jeremy looked so happy, Michael almost felt bad for the red-hot jealousy bubbling under his skin.

He didn’t even plan on confronting Jeremy about it, it all just sort of happened.

Michael followed Jeremy into the bathroom, the bitterness eating away at his heart.

“What are you doing in here?” Michael asked.

Jeremy shrugged. “Hands got all sweaty.”

Michael nodded and stepped forward carefully.

“Haven’t seen much of you tonight,” Jeremy said, grinning at Michael as he washed his hands.

“Yeah, well, maybe there’s a reason for that.”

“Are you upset?” Jeremy asked, the dopey smile falling from his face.

Michael sighed. “No. Yes. A little.”

Jeremy blinked. “What? Why?”

“Because you never have time for me anymore.” Michael turned to the sink, avoiding Jeremy’s gaze.

Jeremy spluttered. “What? I—You—You think I don’t have time for you? We hang out every Friday!”

Michael stared at himself in the mirror. “Yeah, and it used to be every day.”

Jeremy crossed his arms. “Well, I’m sorry for having a social life.”

Michael felt his throat tighten up. “Every time you’re busy, it’s because you’re with Christine. When we hang out, we talk about Christine.” He coughed. “Hell, I have to tell you I need to study to actually get to hang out with you.”

“I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal out of this,” Jeremy said, glaring at Michael’s reflection. “We are gonna have four years together in college, so why can’t I hang out with my girlfriend while we’re still in the same town?”

“Because—” Michael whipped around, “—I’m not going to NJCU with you, alright?” Michael said, throwing his hands in the air. “I applied to Northwestern University, and you know what? I got in!”

“Michael, what are you—”

A bitter laugh escaped Michael’s throat. “I got in, and I’m going, okay? You want to know why I’ve been acting so weird? This is why! I made the grades, or whatever it took to impress them. I didn’t tell you because I really didn’t want to.”

Jeremy was silent. His eyes bored into Michael’s skull.

“I didn’t know how to tell you I wasn’t going to limit myself to state schools anymore,” Michael said, dropping his hands.

Jeremy shifted his glare. “You don’t have to be so smug about it.” He turned heel and marched past Michael and out of the bathroom.

Remnants of Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” echoed as the door swung open and shut behind Jeremy.

God, Michael hated that song.

—

**5\. Don't cry at prom**

Michael's hands trembled as he locked himself in the stall furthest from the door.

His jaw was clenched tightly as he pressed his hands to his face. A pitiful, broken sound escaped him. He gasped and gripped the bar next to the toilet, desparately trying to stop the shaking of his shoulders. 

—

**6\. Don't fucking cry.**

—

**7\. Plan a Senior prank**

Michael hadn’t seen Jeremy laugh in awhile. Since prom, in fact.

Michael wasn’t surprised, but he was grateful that Jeremy talked to him at all.

When they hung out, it was always so serious, like they were coworkers and their job was to play video games together.

Michael asked how things were going with Christine, they talked about school, and they passed on the latest gossip.

But despite all of this, there was no joking around. Jokes fell flat, and Michael felt like he was walking on eggshells.

He hadn’t seen Jeremy’s face light up for awhile. He hadn’t seen that dopey grin for awhile. He hadn’t heard Jeremy try to hold in a laugh, only to hear him snort instead.

He missed it.

“I have an idea,” Michael announced, plopping down at the lunch table. “What if we rented a chicken and put it in Mr. Reyes’ office?”

“Why?” Rich asked.

“Is that even possible?” Christine said.

“Because,” Michael said, “He’s afraid of chickens and I think it would be an amazing senior prank. And yes, it is possible. I looked it up.”

Jake scoffed. “Count me out. If I fail theatre I won’t be able to graduate.”

Michael looked eagerly toward Rich.

Rich grinned. “Alright!”

Michael fist-pumped and turned toward Christine.

“Have your fun, but I don’t really think that scaring Mr. Reyes is the best kind of senior prank.”

Michael turned toward Jeremy.

Jeremy sighed. “Might as well.”

“Sweet!” Michael said. “So here’s the plan.”

—

“Okay!” Rich said over his shoulder, “Coast is clear, go, go, go!”

Michael and Jeremy rushed into Mr. Reyes’ office. Michael dropped the backpack off of his shoulder and it thumped on the ground.

“Food?”

Jeremy nodded. “Chicken food, being spread on Reyes’ desk as we speak.”

Michael turned back to his backpack, which was making squacking noises. He gripped the zipper on the side and took a deep breath.

He unzipped the backpack in one quick motion.

The squacking got louder as the chicken jumped out of his backpack and onto Michael. Its claws dug into his arms as it hopped around, screaming.

“Holy shit!” Michael jumped up, promptly banging his head on the desk.

The chicken flew directly at him, and Michael ducked at the last moment.

“Jeremy! Run for the door!”

They both dashed out of the room, slamming the door behind them, leaving the very angry chicken to Mr. Reyes’ office.

Rich stared at them with wide eyes.

“Who knew chicken were so violent?” Michael said, still panting slightly.

Jeremy gave Michael a strange look.

Michael sighed.

Rich tapped Michael. “Hey, Mike…”

Michael looked up. Rich was pointing through the door window.

“I think you left your backpack in there.”

Sure enough, Michael’s backpack lay open, next to Mr. Reyes’ desk, where a chicken was picking at the seeds that had fallen into it.

Michael sighed. “Well, chick.”

Jeremy snorted. Michael whipped around.

“Was that a chicken pun?” Jeremy asked.

Michael nodded tentatively. “An egg-cellent one, if I do say so myself.”

Jeremy stared at Michael for a moment before bursting into laughter.

Michael was frozen for a moment before he was grinning and laughing back.

“Michael, you’re so fucked,” Jeremy said, laughter bubbling between his words.

“Or should I say,” Michael paused for dramatic effect, “ducked?”

And everything was easy from there.

Well, everything except Michael’s conversation with Mr. Reyes the next morning.

—

**8\. Graduate**

Michael stared out at the sea of grad caps.

Oh my god, he was really here. It was really happening.

It all seemed so surreal. Every one he had grown up with was here, wearing a cap and gown. It felt like only yesterday he was dreading the first day of Junior year.

So much had happened since then.

He and Jeremy had made a few new friends. Rich stopped being so much of a dick, and he was sorta accepted into their friend group after the whole SQUIP-incident. Jake would tag along to some of their hangouts as well.

Jeremy finally got to go on a date with Christine, and they had been going strong ever since.

Lunch went by faster and easier. Michael didn’t have to worry about if he would sit alone or with friends.

Everything had gone by so fast, but Michael couldn’t help but feel as if he had been left in the dust.

He knew it wasn’t good, but he still felt a twinge of jealousy whenever Jeremy went out with Christine. It reminded him of a time when it was Michael and Jeremy against the world.

Now, it was Jeremy and Christine against the world, and Michael supporting them from the sidelines.

“Hey, are you okay?” Jeremy said, nudging Michael.

Michael looked up. “Yeah. Just still can’t quite believe we’re really here.”

Jeremy grinned. “I know right? I’m so excited for this summer, and I’m so excited to start college.”

“And you’re sure you’re okay with me not going to NJCU with you?”

“Yes, okay?” Jeremy sighed. “I mean, I’ve sort of always known that you were a closeted genius, and I really don’t want to see you stifled by stupid teenagers for another four years.”

Michael felt the back of his neck heat up. “Stifled? Ooh, look at you with the fancy vocabulary.”

Jeremy rolled his eyes. “I’m almost tempted to switch my graduation partner last-minute.”

Michael scoffed. “Come on, we promised each other that we’d graduate together. Eighth grade promises are binding.”

“Alright everyone, get in line,” the assistant principal said via a megaphone. “It’s time!”

“Let’s go,” Jeremy said, holding his hand out in front of him.

Michael sighed and grinned before clapping their hands together, proceeding into the elaborate handshake they had made up freshman year.

_“Dude, we need a handshake.”_

_Jeremy turned his head. “A what, now?”_

_“A handshake! Something crazy elaborate, so if your brain is ever possessed by a demon or something, I’ll know if it’s really you or not.”_

_Jeremy grinned. “Well, it’d be more likely to help you out with a clone situation, but sure.”_

Front-back-clap-clap-up-down-clap-snap.

Jeremy grinned. “Let’s fucking graduate.”

—

**9\. Attend a graduation party**

Michael was drinking Sprite and going through the sandwich bar for the third time.

Christine had thrown a very nice party, but he didn’t know a whole lot of people there, aside from their mutual friends. Most of the guests were her family and family friends.

“Michael?”

Michael jumped. “Christine! Hey.”

Christine raised an eyebrow. “Are you doing alright? You’ve been here for like an hour and haven’t done much more than eat.”

Michael sighed. “Yeah, I just haven't felt like doing much more.”

He stared off into the next room, where Jeremy was laughing next to Rich.

Christine followed his gaze. “Have you told him?”

Michael choked. “Told him what?”

“That you’re in love with him,” she said simply.

Michael fell silent. “Christine…”

She raised her hands in a mock-surrender. “I know, it’s probably not my place to meddle, especially considering I’m Jeremy’s girlfriend, but I’m also your friend.” She dropped her hands. “And as your friend, I don’t think it’s good for you to keep everything so bottled up.”

Michael sighed. “Okay, even if I did have feelings for Jeremy—”

He did.

“—why on earth would you want me to tell him? You are literally his girlfriend,” he finished.

Christine folded her arms. “You don’t think Jeremy’s noticed that you act strangely around him? Please.” She put her hand on Michael’s shoulder. “It’s causing him a lot of worry, and he deserves to know the truth. I don’t like to see him so worked up about things.”

Michael pulled back. “I don’t want to ruin things between you two. You guys really are a perfect match, and I…”

“If Jeremy breaks up with me because of you, then he probably wasn’t meant to be with me. Although, I will probably be mad at you anyway.”

“Christine, I don’t know,” Michael’s mouth went dry, “I don’t know if I can.”

She smiled. “Of course you can. I trust you.”

Michael shook his head. “No, I—”

“Okay, zip it right there, buddy,” Christine huffed. “You’re going to go outside to my poach. I’ll send Jeremy out there, and you two will have a real, genuine conversation. Got it?”

Michael swallowed. “Got it.”

He set his plate on the counter and walked toward the door she had gestured toward, not really sure what he was doing or why he was doing it.

The air was warm and humid outside.

Michael watched Christine talk to Jeremy. He watched Jeremy kiss her on the cheek before turning and walking toward the door. Toward Michael.

Jeremy opened the door and it clicked shut behind him.

“Hey, Michael, Christine said you needed to talk to me?”

The world froze around Michael. “Jeremy, I…”

_Jeremy, I love you._

_Jeremy, I think you made me realize I was gay._

_Jeremy, I wish everything was different._

_Jeremy, I know you didn’t mean to, but I think you broke my heart awhile ago._

But Michael didn’t say any of this. Jeremy stared at him, and Michael’s mouth went dry.

“I’ll miss you,” Michael said.

Jeremy’s face lit up, and it almost made it worth the heartache. “We have the whole summer left. Don’t worry.”

Michael forced a smile a tried not to think about the summer.

He tried not to think about how he would spend his days wishing he could have just spoken up about what he was feeling. Wishing he could tell Jeremy just how much he meant to Michael, wishing he could really tell Jeremy everything.

And if he shuddered and broke down as soon as Jeremy walked back inside, well, that was nobody’s business.

**Author's Note:**

> I had to, sorry....
> 
> Yell at me on tumblr (UpsideAround)


End file.
